Grammar Errors (1)

There are several errors in this composition. Help me to find out.

About 5000 years ago today in ancient Egypt, thousands of people were building pyramids for their King. As we all know, at that time there was no machine. Then you will wonder how could they carry so many huge stones? How could they create such splendid pyramids? How could they create such a miracle? Well, the answer is the wheel. Wheel makes everything possible.

So in my eyes wheel is the greatest invention. Maybe you will challenge me, heel is so common that everybody takes it for granted. Why do you think is the greatest invention?? Actually, wheel has been playing an important role in every aspect of people life from antiquity to today.

As everyone knows, wheel makes traveling much easier. In ancient time, people traveled on foot. It wasted too much time. People often felt very tired. And also I think it a damage to the shoes. Dont you think so? Then a clever man thought of the wheel and the horse. He put them together, and the first cart was born. It saved time and stamina as well.

yes... students... find out all the errors in this composition. Don't worry, teacher Alphawaves will guide you all and do the correction.

Saya baru darjah 3 bah sigu admin.. ,

Anyway i will try my best to help the others.

About 5000 years ago today (1) in ancient Egypt, thousands of people were building pyramids for their King. As we all know, at that time there was no machine (2). Then you will wonder how could they carry so many huge stones? How could they create such splendid pyramids? How could they create such a miracle? Well, the answer is the wheel (3). Wheel makes everything possible.

So in my eyes wheel is the greatest invention. Maybe you will challenge me,“wheel is so common that everybody takes it for granted. Why do you think is the greatest invention?” (4) Actually, wheel has been playing an important role in every aspect of people’s life from antiquity to today.

As everyone knows, wheel makes traveling much easier. In ancient time, people traveled on foot. It wasted too much time. People often felt very tired. And also I think it’s a damage to the shoes (5). Don’t you think so? Then a clever man thought of the wheel and the horse. He put them together, and the first cart was born. It saved time and stamina (6) as well.

The Answer:


This composition is very well organized, making it easy to read and very clear. It also has good sentence structure with only very minor problems. However, for this composition, I would have to give the writer a zero. Why? Read my comments below.

(1) This expression suggests that it was "about" 5000 years ago compared to this date exactly. We don't really know what they were doing in September of the year 3005 B.C., so the writer should drop "today".

(2) Of course, this should be "there were no machines".

(3) This is good. The writer uses the general expression "the wheel". However, this should be used EVERY time, not just once.

(4) This is where the composition fails. The writer is simply putting up a straw horse and will then knock it down. This is much too easy. Instead of making such a weak statement and arguing against it, the writer should defend his premise against the best argument he can think of. For example, as you can see in the revised composition, the writer could consider other great inventions, such as the printing press or the computer chip, and show that the wheel is still the greatest.

(5) We don't say "it's a damage" in English, and I suspect walking all the time affected more than just shoes. Maybe the writer could say something like "this also caused many problems for people's feet".

(6) We can save time and we can save energy, but we can't save stamina.

Can you get the pictures? Hope this will benefit to all english students. cheer!

Tq cikgu Alphawaves, i hope that many students will join you. This is a very good input. I'll promote it to the students.

Alphawaves is teacher???

Yes, he's a good teacher, so try to learn english from him...

hahaha...
congrate Alphawaves....one day,u may become a good teacher
like mr.admin...

thank you miss mira_96, unfortunately until today i am yet not a teacher..

alphawaves wrote:

Saya baru darjah 3 bah sigu admin.. ,

Anyway i will try my best to help the others.

are you in year 4 rite now??
wow...
amazing kid...
so ict person u are...

AIIII